Some Kind of a Sacrifice

        Tamarra's not around on weekdays because of school ( Sweet Little Child ).  Alyanna ( Bouncing Second Baby Girl ) stays with my mother-in-law and comes to our house once in a while.  She's with Nanay since she's just 6 months old.  That is because I got pregnant with Kohbe ( The Emperor of my Heart ) at that time.  I couldn't continue breastfeeding her because of the baby in my womb.  Since then, she never left Nanay.  We just let her for we lived across my in-laws house.  But now that we moved to this house, we began seeing the problem.  We can't let Alyanna stay with us for long.  She would stay for about three days then would ask daddy to bring her back to Nanay for she (Alyanna) misses her already.  We're getting used to the situation.  

        The other night, I felt different.  I arrived home around 9:30 without noisy kids to welcome me with their hugs and kisses.  Prior to that, I already received a text message from my sister-in-law telling that my baby boy forced himself to go with her when she fetched Alyanna.  I said it was fine.  But when I got home, I felt really empty.  The house was cold, my husband's out on duty, no one's home except his cousin who looks after the kids while we're out.  I realized parenting is really equivalent to sacrifice.  My husband and I work hard to earn a living, to give the needs of our children.  But because we have to work, we seldom see our kids.  We seldom spend some quality time with them.  Though, whenever we can, we really make sure no matter how short the time we can spend with them, they would very much enjoy our company.  I try to cook often, daddy would buy dvd's for the whole family to watch.  Once in a while, we also see to it that we go out with them: malling, picnicking, and doing other fun activities.  

        How I wish one day I could just stay home and just attend to their needs, prepare their food, make them ready for school and the likes.  A day when they don't need to stay with our parents because their own parents are available for them. 

Feeding The Babies

         Being a mother is one happy job.  But just like other regular jobs, we encounter certain difficulties.  If there's one thing I found difficult in this task, it's feeding my babies.  They love to eat a lot...as in a whole lot.  I think all three of them have sweet teeth.  They love chocolates, candies, ice cream and cake.  Typical for children like them.  It's all right with me, as long as they brush their teeth regularly.  They also love bread.  They'd start their day eating pan de sal.  An hour later, they'll eat their breakfast which is usually rice.  They love hotdogs.  They are not much into eggs.  I am always delighted when they finish their food up to the last grain on their plate.  It seldom happens though.  Only when they are served with fried chicken.  What I find difficult is making them eat vegetables.  They wouldn't eat green leaves or any other kind of veggies..  I tried everything I thought would possibly make them eat veggies but they wouldn't.  Til I learned to experiment.  They are all into patties.  So, I tried making home-made patties without the pork or the beef.  Instead of meat, I replaced them with vegetables like carrots, cauliflower, and mongo sprouts.  So that they won't realize they were eating veggies, I cut them into small pieces, even grind them at times, before mixing with other ingredients.  I also use flavorings for them to taste the meat that is supposed to be there.  Since they love patties, I serve them any time of the day, be it for breakfast, lunch, or dinner.  At times, I buy buns and make burger for my kids.  With ketchup and mayo, they don't have to know that what they are eating is actually what they abhor. 

the other side

        Being a mother is not always fun especially when the mother is also a career woman.

        In my case, I'm not really after the career.  Work is a must for me.  If I don't work, we won't be able to sustain the needs of our family.  (My husband's a security guard, so I really need to help him.  You see, here in our country, guards are getting only the minimum wage.  Lucky, in their agency, they're giving above minimum.)

       Teachers have tons of work on days like these (nearing the closing of classes).  I bring home most of my paper works for I won't be able to finish them with just an hour break at school.  And because I feel so stressed out, I can't afford to hear much noise in the house.  I get easily irritated hearing my children whether they're just having fun or they're already having a fight over simple things like toys or the dvd they would watch.  After I yell at them, I'd feel so guilty but would not tell them so.  I'd keep it to myself.  Then I would go back to work.  I feel guilty also on times that I wasn't able to put them to sleep.  I would ask their tita Jen to stay with them til they're asleep.  Most of the time, I'd visit them in their room and would give them pecks on the cheek so as to lessen the guilt I have inside. 

      

       This is the other side of motherhood.  It's not all fun and exciting memories with the kids.  Sometimes it's also heartbreaking.

sweet little child

          My eldest child Tamarra does not stay with us during school days.  She stays with my mother, her lola.  Every weekend, she comes home.  That is because of my schedule.  I work from 1 to 8 in the evening, so by the time I come home, my children are already asleep.  Tamarra's in grade 1 now.  Her schedule is from 7 to 12 nn.  If I keep her with us, no one's gonna assist her in doing her assignments and projects.  So even if I have a heavy heart, I just let her stay with my mother.  I can't make her schooling suffer especially because she's a smart girl (she's on top 6 in the star section).  Anyway, every weekend, I make sure that she feels that we love her so much.  Her siblings would always tell her "na miss ka namin ate".  And I also tell her that.  

          Tamarra is one sweet little child.  She's a girl who would always greet us (my husband and I and all the other people around) on occasions and even on ordinary days.  When she first learned how to read and write (she was 5 then), the first letter she gave us said " Mommy and Daddy, I love you to tamtam, yanyan, kohbe".  I was so happy then.  I kissed her because of that and I said I love you, too ate.  Then, I made the corrections in her letter.  I taught her about the use of to and too.  But still I said it was sweet of her to write that letter.  After that, I received more letters from her.

          Last Valentine's day, it was a Monday.  She woke me up around 6 am.  She was already in her school uniform and asked me for her baon.  I gave her 20-peso bill and kissed her good bye for her school service was coming.  Then, she ran out of the room, and to my surprise, went back again.  She gave me a peck on my cheek and a warm embrace and told me, " Mommy, happy valentine's day".  I was so glad, I got up and went with her downstairs.  We sat together and waited for her service.  I am really delighted to have a sweet little child like ate Tamtam. 

my little angels' wishlist

Christmas 2009, tamarra was just 5 years old and was studying at a public kindergarten.  She handed me a sheet of paper, which when i read, was a letter addressed to Santa Claus.  Here's the content:

Dear Santa Claus,
       Gusto ko po sa pasko ng baby doll na tumatawa, saka po si yanyan. Kay kohbe po ay kotse.
                                                                                                                                Love,
                                                                                                                                Tamarra

Then, she asked how would the letter be received by Santa.  That time, daddy was leaving for work.  So intentionally, i let tamtam hear me talking to her dad.  I told daddy to mail the letter to Santa Claus.  A week after, I was off to the mall and looked for those toys she mentioned.  It cost me less than a thousand.  I was so glad my children were content with simple gifts like those.  Until the next Christmas came...

Tamarra, Alyanna, and Kohbe, all a year older, had their Christmas wishes again.  I was so eager to listen to them.  Tamarra wished we'd buy her a guitar.  I was surprised because I never realized she'd want to play an instrument.  She was into dancing.  Another thing, I know the guitar is worth more than a thousand.  Kohbe asked for a bike, which again was expensive, (at least for us who earns just enough for our needs).  But I know in my heart, I would really buy those gifts they wanted for Christmas.  Then, there was Alyanna who had not yet told what she wanted.  I was ready to hear her mention another expensive  toy till she said, "Mommy, gusto ko lutu-lutuan".  She made daddy and I laugh.

Well, we weren't able to buy the things in their wish list in time for Christmas.  But we bought them a few weeks ago.  Though I was hesitant at first for I was thinking of the bills that were needed to be paid, I still went to buy their gifts.  No amount of money can buy the happiness I feel when my angels are happy.

The Emperor of my Heart

Here comes the child that completes our family, the baby boy we have been waiting for.  Though we didn't really plan to have another one after alyanna reigne, we were so expectant that it would be a boy.  And God was so good that He gave him to us, Kohbe Kaiser.  Funny,,,two days before i gave birth, we didn't have a name yet.  My hubby and I were in the classroom, writing all the names we could think of on the board.  Then, I got hold of this old dictionary, I opened it and landed my pointer at a particular word, Kaiser - Russian term for emperor.  I loved it.  I wrote it on the board and asked my husband to think of another one that would best fit with Kaiser.  Since daddy was into basketball, I thought of a good player whom I'm familiar with.  Obviously, I'm talking about Kobe Bryant.  I got the Kobe, just added the "h" and made it Kohbe.  Among my children, Kohbe's the heaviest when he was still in my womb.  I found it more difficult to move, I wouldn't want to do anything, I just wanted to lie down and sleep.  That's why, days before i gave birth, I was told that I should do more exercises like brisk walking, so that I could help my baby go out easily.  So daddy and I would walk a kilometer every other day.  If he's not available, I did the walking exercises inside the house, walking to and fro in our small living room.  August 29, around 4 pm, I saw blood stain which made daddy panicked.  We went to the lying-inn immediately, though I was sure that the baby's not gonna come out yet.  And I was right, my ob said I should go home and wait until the following day.  Around 8 in the evening, I began feeling cramps which I didn't tell my husband to avoid him from panicking.  I kept the pain to myself until the interval of the cramps were down to 5 minutes.  Then, I was sure the baby's coming out soon.  That was around 12 midnight.  I woke my husband up and told him to bring me to the clinic.  When we arrived, my ob said I should keep on walking to and fro on the patio and just get inside if the interval's down to a minute.  While outside, dad and I were chatting, trying to divert nervousness into a lighter mood.  Talked for 3 minutes, stopped when I felt the pain,  talked again when the pain was gone.  We continued the process till I couldn't bare the pain anymore.  That's the time we went in the clinic and my ob made me ready for giving birth.  I was awake the whole time, conscious of what's going on.  Just like when I gave birth to my other babies, I was holding the same rosary, was praying for a safe delivery and a healthy baby.  Not long enough, around 3 in the morning of August 30, I gave birth to Kohbe Kaiser Gayo, the emperor of my heart.  He was a big baby, weighed 9.9 lbs., and was handsome like his dad.

bouncing second baby girl

Far different from my firstborn, Alyanna Reigne as a baby was always thought of as a boy by those who saw her.  I was always asked if she's a boy.  Most of the time, I blamed my husband about that because when i was pregnant, he would tell everyone that the baby in my womb was a boy.  So I said, maybe it was absorbed by the baby.  My ob said she was due to come out on may 24, so I tried to finish all my paper works before that day came.  The date came and passed but the baby didn't show the eagerness of going out of my womb.  It took two weeks more before the blood spot showed up.  It was a sign that the baby was coming.  I went to the clinic together with my husband at around 5 in the afternoon.  The bad news was, the ob could not let me give birth in the clinic because i should undergo cs operation.  So we transferred to trece martirez city hospital.  Because we were walk-in patient, the doctors won't accept us.  We just insisted because the opening was 4 cm already.  The doctors suggested that we transfer to Korea hospital.  And so we did.  I walked my way to the emergency room.  That time, my husband and my parents were nervous but they were also bursting in laughter.  I didn't look like I was about to give birth because I wasn't in pain.  Inside the e.r., the doctor had to induce me so that my womb would contract.  If not for that, I would have been cut.  So, on June 4, 2006, at around 12:05 am, a 7.5 lbs. baby girl was born through normal delivery.   Luckily, as she grew up, her features changed.  Gradually, the boyish looks turned to be a charming little girl.  She's turning 5 in six months time.  Very talkative, very full of life.